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How To

Boxing Session

Take back your power and get off (or avoid) what relationship counselor, TED talker and author Dina McMillan calls 'the hamster wheel' of abusive relationships. Recognize you now have choices, and resolve to make more informed ones. If more women stood up to toxic masculinity and refused them entry into their lives, or booted them out early, abusive men would be forced to shape up or jack off. Every abuser an incel!

It really is a lot simpler than most women think. Don't allow these guys into your life in the first place. Don't let them back. The first time he hits you must be the last. Click here to see my advice and education think pieces.
I've found five stellar resources to help women identify their psychological weaknesses and inoculate themselves against the sort of toxic man who manipulates and abuses, but also to better understand men and thereby become better partners themselves. After all, she may be no walk in the park either.

     Dina McMillan's book offers rock-solid advice on how abusive men think and strategize, and how to avoid them. If you read no other book your entire life on abuse and men, read THIS one. McMillan claims she can teach women and young girls to avoid a lifetime of abuse in two hours, and she's not kidding.

Check out her TED talk!


Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility & the Duty to Repair - Sarah Schulman

     This is the antidote to Generation Snowflake and everything 'woke'! Schulman dives into the modern-day confliation of conflict or disagreement with abuse and explores the way misstating conflict and overstating harm hurts the individuals involved and further divides the society. Read this before you venture onto Facebook or Twitter!

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men - Lundy Bancroft

     A male therapist who works with couples in abusive marriages details the roots and core of entrenched male misogyny and exactly how these men's minds work. Read this and you'll have a far more informed understanding of how you're not likely to ever change him, and how these manipulators can fool even trained psychologists and therapists to believe they've changed when they haven't. I can't recommend this book enough to women in abusive relationships or who want to avoid them.


     More advice from one of the world's foremost experts on avoiding abusive men.

The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society Of Pickup Artists - Neil Strauss (My review)

     The best psychological analysis of the female mind and its many weaknesses was written, believe it or not, by a former Pickup Artist. The short bald average-looking author became a pickup artists of southern California's hottest women and details the secrets of his success--not to brag but to show women how easy they are to 'play'. Controversial when it was published in 2004, feminists condemned it for the PUAs' poor treatment of women, but Strauss came to regret his life and shows us the uglier aspects from the men's side too--including a friend who suffered an emotional breakdown and men unprepared for adult, functional relationships once they outgrew the desire to sleep around. There are no better experts in exploiting women's psychology for their advantage than the men in this book, and it's inadvertantly a handbook for women to avoid manipulative sexual predators. Strauss has since given up the PUA lifestyle and is married with children. 

What Was He Thinking? The Woman's Guide to a Man's Mind - Dr. Mike Bechtle 

     Another great book on how men's mind's work, but in general, not from an abuse standpoint. Sometimes bad relationships happen because the woman is dysfunctional too, or simply doesn't understand that while men's minds work differently, that doesn't necessarily mean wrongly or manipulatively. We just don't process information the same way, and this book teaches women what's good about men's minds. Bechtle is a Christian writer and doctor but I only learned that many years later. You can't tell from this book.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves 

     This is a book for all of us! Did you know only 15% of us are actually emotionally intelligent? Oh, don't look so smug, almost everyone overestimates how EI they actually are! It's also a bit of a workbook too.


Assessing an abuser's claims of change

To stop abuse, we must first understand 'grooming'
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