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What Would A 'Christian' Pride Month Look Like, After June's?

What if the Western world was forced to 'celebrate' Christian Supremacy for a month after having shoved Rainbow Supremacy down everyone's throats?

“Would you like to donate two dollars to Pride?” asked the store cashier last Saturday.

“No thank you,” I replied. In times past, I donated. This time I didn’t.

It’s no longer a worthy cause.

Not going to the ‘gayborhood’ to celebrate and enjoy the drag-queenier-than-thou. Not going to the Parade. Not flying the flag. I’m done with this public virtue-signalling circle jerk of enforced Rainbow Supremacy. Marginalized my ass. Live how you want to live, but don’t yank it in my bathroom, guys.

Pride events around North America are experiencing more backlash than ever. MSNBC talked to a Pride reporter about Pride flags slashed, graffiti sprayed on LGBTQ-friendly church walls, and other acts of vandalism attributed to ‘right-wing backlash’.

Um, how do they know it’s specifically ‘right-wing’? Have all the perpetrators been arrested and their politics accounted for? The interviewer didn’t ask, and the reporter didn’t say. If there’s a ‘backlash’, why? DO NOT ASK. And why is tearing down a Pride flag ‘vandalism’, but a statue is ‘protest’?

As the King of Siam would say, “Is a puzzlement.”

How is it these reporters remain so blithely unaware of how much growing dislike for Pride there is on the left, with whom it has lost its former popular goodwill?

News to these bozos. Remaining as ignorant about the entire Pride movement as they can be without induced coma is their raison d’etre.

What would Christian Pride Month look like?

USA Today reports that brands this year are pulling back on Pride displays and merch as they claim they’re targeted by ‘conservative groups’ who boycotted their businesses and for once, it seems to have worked. I’m more inclined to believe they’ve correctly identified ‘conservative groups’, because they’re engaging in lawful protest, unlike Pride flag destroyers who run ‘n’ hide since they’re breaking vandalism laws.

No one seems to ask why there was a kerfuffle last year over a Hershey bar promo for International Women’s Day featuring a biological man who looks vaguely like a woman. At least no journalistic investigation beyond, Transphobia is the only explanation.

You’re hard-pressed to find any gay people featured in Pride promos anymore. Fabulous dudes and even hot lesbians are out. Trans-identified men—far less trans-identified women—are the Pride stars now.

No one asked whether the anti-woke backlash against trans-identified man and social media influencer Dylan Mulvaney was all right-wing or whether the public in general is fed up with woke values and fake women constantly shoved down their throats.

Including plenty of liberals. How come I know liberals and left-leaners sick of transactivist extremism but the left-wing media doesn’t even know we exist?

Then again, when I search for ‘WPATH Files’ and ‘Cass Review’ on MSNBC I find nothing, so maybe I expect too much journalistic integrity from people who know everything they need to know about trans from their Gender Studies classes at Columbia University.

USA Today has nothing on the WPATH Files but does at least mention the Cass Review in a few articles.

Transactivism ignores and cancels those who dare to challenge and criticize the erasure of biological women and gay people, and especially critics of the ‘progressive’ conversion of gay kids to more socially ‘acceptable’ heterosexuality. Pride groups shut down free speech and get people they don’t like fired. They’ve pushed their ideology into public education and woe to any parent who dares to protest. Left-wing do-gooders will take your children if you don’t get in line and goose-step the new step for a movement so awash in bright reassuring colours you could be blinded on a sunny day or wonder who slipped the Yellow Sunshine into your morning coffee.

Spiked calls the ‘unbearable annoyingness of Pride’ ‘flag-shagging’.

So I wonder as we wrap up yet another Pride Month: What if the next month was ‘Christian Pride Month’, was mostly organized by fanatical fundamentalist Christians, and whose support was as socially enforced as June’s Pride Month?

Libraries would feature ‘Christian month’ book displays including works by C. S. Lewis, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, St. Augustine, the Left Behind series and actress Lisa Whelchel’s (‘Blair’ from The Facts of Life) parental help books on how you can abuse your children in the most Christian manner possible.

Books by Richard Dawkins, Stephen Jay Gould, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens and Michael Shermer would be banned.

National brands would include the fish logo on all their products as an easy way to virtue-signal allyship with Jesus-believers without having to do anything actually Christian, like give money to the poor or orphans.

Attention hound Jesus supporters and their allies would flamboyantly dress like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, random disciples, Catholic saints, Crusaders and the most famous Christian in America, Donald Trump.

Cities around the world would celebrate with Christian Pride Parades in which local companies would be pressured to provide gaudy floats depicting famous Bible stories. Like Kiddie Jesus teaching the rabbis, the Last Supper, the Passion, the Resurrection, Mary being informed she was gonna have to do some ‘splainin’ soon to her fiance, the deaths of the Apostles, St. Paul experiencing a Keanu Reeves moment on the road to Damascus (“Whhhoooooaaaa!!!! Look at that, like, flaming Cross, man!), John the Baptist’s head on a platter with lots and lots of dripping fake blood, and some really awesome wicked cool Revelation floats best viewed on three tabs of acid or a couple of ‘shrooms.

Children would learn incessantly about Jesus and Christianity in all public schools and be constantly asked, “Are you sure you’re a Muslim or a Hindu? Many people are born into the wrong religion and you can change it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your religion; if you feel sad or depressed it’s not because you’re dealing with a lot of stress or your grandmother died; it’s because you were meant to be a Christian! You can change it right now! Look at my Genesisbread Man!”

Any parent who disagreed with extreme Christian indoctrination and identified it as a sick, toxic cult would have their children forcibly removed and protected from their Christophobia because everyone knows that children, once they know they’re the wrong religion and need to transition to the right one, will commit suicide in a day and a half if you stop them, or even try to talk to them about it.

Groups purporting to ‘help’ and ‘protect’ children would secretly mail them things they wanted that their parents had forbidden—crosses, Bibles, Communion wafers, swords of vengeance, Wal-Mart Biblical action figures, Jesus and Mary butt plugs. All right-thinking inclusive people would uncritically support this because children were essentially little adults who knew what was best for them, and the parents’ job was to get out of the way and let Little Moishe Brother Ezekiel become the pint-sized Bible-thumper he knew he was truly born to be. It’s not his fault his family is a bunch of liberal whackos and hate jobs who accept their gay cousin and teach their kids to hate doctrines like love and tolerance and the health benefits of quinoa.

Churches everywhere will report hundreds, even thousands of children all applying to change their religion as soon as possible.

Social media would be rampant with Christian ‘Warriors of God’ canceling and issuing rape and crucifixion threats to anyone who dared critique them. They’d seek to have liberals arrested, jailed, or at least banned from X for the ‘hate crime’ of pointing out there’s no evidence of God or for speaking out in favor of abortion and helping the poor. Anonymous young Christian losers with no jobs and no future would excavate the social media posts of anyone trying to accomplish anything seeking RATs (Radical Atheist Terrorists) damaging children with their scurrilous lessons that people can live moral lives without religion.

Famously Christophobic Massachusetts would pass a ‘Don’t Say J’ law after the horror of Walt Disney’s annual Jesus Days inviting all those who love Jesus, warning Christophobes that this might not be the best weekend to take little Ahmed or little Parvati there, who might be subjected to blatant Christian love right there in front of Cinderella’s Chapel.

Critics of Christian Pride Month would be denounced as Christophobic Nazarenis with crosses and fish spray-painted on their houses at night. Christian activists would attack any non-Christian trying to speak at a library or a hotel conference room and try to shut it all down, arguing that Christophobic hate speech was not protected by the Constitution.

Christian activists would demand the right to be allowed into places formerly forbidden to Christians for safety purposes—synagogues, mosques, temples, Native reserves and reservations.

Christian Pride Parade critics would complain about how gorier and kinkier the floats with Jesus’s suffering had become.

I kid, but we’ve seen this before

The cultiness and Orwellian Thought Police authoritarianism we condemn on the ‘woke’ social just-us left is the same we saw forty-three years ago with the election of Ronald Reagan and the rise of the so-called Religious Right, with one key exception: The Christian Right never attained the level of power and governmental infiltration the Regressive Left has achieved.

It wasn’t for lack of trying, and the Right came damn close. Reagan’s election unleashed America’s right-wing kooks. I’m not sure if there’s a specific person or event that unleashed America’s left-wing kooks more recently, but theories are welcome in the comments.

Conservative Christians in the ‘80s organized and strategized how to infiltrate the new, Christian-friendly government. They began, sensibly, bottom-up rather than top-down. They got elected to boring political positions no one cared about: City councillors and school boards. The ‘textbook wars’ began with a Texas couple named Mel and Norma Gabler, who sought to ‘cleanse’ America’s textbooks of anything they considered anti-family, anti-God or anti-American. They abhorred any teaching that contradicted conservative values or Christian mythologies. They hated evolution.

Conservative Christians began chipping away at the eight-year-old Roe v. Wade decision.

They wrote angry letters to the editor denouncing liberal values and accusing their critics of hating God, America and the family, which, admittedly, looks somewhat less insane today as the Queer movement has explicitly stated it has no use for the nuclear family anymore and campus protesters hate on the capitalism that privileged them enough to go to college and bite the hands that fed and raised them.

The Christian Right always hated sex—mostly for females. Their lopsided calls for more sexual morality and purity forced us liberals to keep reminding them it takes two to make a baby, and if a woman is having sex she shouldn’t be, shouldn’t the man she’s having it with be rebuked as well?

“Yeah, that’s wrong too,” they’d say and return to fulminating about wicked temptresses and Jezebels. Wayward dicks never bothered them as much as inviting vaginas.

Because sexual morality was always the woman’s fault or responsibility, just as it is today in the Middle East and many other parts of the world.

They never even stressed much when Christian Republican dicks found their ways into male mouths and anuses, which they frequently did, especially with Religious Right politicians.

What men did with their penis was of no business for women, as far as they were concerned.

The Christian Right worked their way slowly and patiently to the top echelons of political power, taking control first of the Republican Party and then Congress.

Déjà vu. We’ve seen the rise of one fun-demented-list cult seizing the hearts and minds of Americans and now we’re seeing it again—from the other side.

If today’s Christian Right is perturbed by the success of the woke social just-us cult, they wrote the vision and playbook themselves. Although Canada has never seen a religious right-wing authoritarian takeover attempt like the U.S. once did, we’re now seeing the rise in left-wing authoritarianism exemplified by our formerly feminist and liberal Prime Minister and his allies who are more concerned about ‘protecting’ trans people (men) from the mostly exaggerated stories of violence against transpeople than they are about protecting women from transactivist violence and hate speech, which is far more common.

Karma has come back to bite conservative extremism in the ass. This is on you, Christies.

It makes for strange bedfellows, as liberals like me ally with them on preventing ‘gender-affirming’ sex change operations for kids. We can’t otherwise stand them, knowing they share many common values with their hated enemies the far left—hatred of Jews and women, cult indoctrination in the schools, and shoving their values down everyone’s throats. And they all want women to stop saying No to penises.

These are the people who got rid of Roe v. Wade and will sexually shackle our vaginas if given one-tenth of an opportunity.

Shag the dog

According to The Free Press, sex therapists are now advocating for the right to have sex with animals, even acknowledging that animals can’t consent to anything, but if we’re hunting them, breeding them, corralling them, murdering them with anal electroshock and eating them, what the hell, let’s fuck ‘em too! Don’t ‘yuck someone’s area of interest,’ sez one eloquent X guru.

Now, I’m not so sure I even want to see the Rainbow Mafia’s Pride Month anymore.

Call me when you’ve exorcised all the heterosexual straight dudes taking advantage of your movement to normalize their sexual fetishes.

And if you want to fight the Rainbow Supremacists, the Old State Saloon in Idaho is featuring June as “Heterosexual Awesomeness Month.” They’ve got merch in case you want to rub it in everyone’s faces that you’re straight, and Hetero Male Monday in which you get a free pint if you’re a heterosexual male dressed as a straight, heterosexual male.

Could I get a free beer at the Saloon if I came in dressed as a straight, heterosexual male? How do they know the men dressed as straight, heterosexual males are actually girly-fuckers, and not butch gay men (is there a lie detector test?) Well anyway if you liked this post, and wanted to see more, I lean left of center, but not so far over my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter Grow Some Labia so you never miss a damn thing! There are also podcasts of more recent articles there too!




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